We are at a complete loss to explain how Uwe Boll keeps convincing people bankrolling his video game movies is a good idea. Nevertheless, someone hired him to turn Far Cry into a movie.

But American theaters just can't contain the awesomeness, so it will bow in Boll's native country of Germany on Oct. 2. Yeah, we'll not be covering that premiere. Because we really planned to otherwise, we swear.

But here's a preemptive review. Uwe Boll's adaptation of Far Cry sucks. Really hard. It sucks like Superman 64 and E.T. on Atari had a baby. Go ahead, try and convince me that review will turn out to be wrong.